Safety Planning

A safety plan is an individualized plan that includes ways to remain safe when you are:

• in an abusive relationship,
• trying or planning to leave a relationship, or
• maintaining safety after you have left the relationship.

A safety plan should not only account for physical safety concerns, but also concerns for emotional wellbeing. Taking legal action is another thing to consider.

While some of the information contained in a safety plan may seem like common sense, it can be hard to think clearly in crisis situations. Seemingly simple decisions are often difficult to make during a crisis. Developing and practicing a safety plan in advance of a crisis increases the likelihood of success.

The information below contains advice and suggestions from the National Domestic Violence Hotline and the National Center for Victims of Crime on Safety Planning in certain scenarios.[1]

• Teach your children how to dial 911, including how and when as well as when they should flee the house if violence escalates and where they can go.
• Identify family or friends your children can feel safe talking to or expressing their feelings with. Ensure your kids know their contact information.
• Develop code words that you can use if you need the children to exit. Be sure the children know they cannot share the code word or the secret meaning with other people, particularly the abuser.
• Identify safe rooms in the house and rooms to avoid in the event violence happens in the house. For instance, the kitchen is a room to avoid as items in the room could be used as weapons.
• Have a bag packed with necessities for you and your children. Place the bag in a location that is discreet yet easy to grab in the event you need to flee.
• Explain to the children that although they may want to step in and try to protect you, it is important for them not to intervene.
• Consider counseling or therapy for the children to assist them through the uncertainty and confusion they may be feeling.
• Plan and practice escape routes with the children when the abuser is not home.
• Plan your response if your children tell your partner of your plan or if your partner otherwise finds out about your plan.
• Inform trusted friends or family about your safety plan and ensure the children know their names and numbers.

Safety Planning While Living with Your Abuser

• Identify “safe rooms” or areas in the house where no items can be used as weapons against you and escape routes from areas in the house.
• Have a bag packed with necessities for you and your children. Place the bag in a location that is discreet yet easy to grab in the event you need to flee.
• Ensure your cell phone remains charged and in reach if you need to call 911.
• If arguments ensue and you sense your abuser’s level of anger escalating, try moving to one of your safe rooms.
• If physical abuse ensues, try to make yourself a small target by curling up in a ball, protecting your face and head as much as possible. Avoid wearing long necklaces or scarves that an abuser could use to strangle you.
• Discreetly let trusted neighbors know about your situation and create visual signals (such as blinking the lights on and off in a particular pattern) that will alert them to danger in the home.
• Never run to an area where your children are hiding, as your abuser may hurt them too.
• Explain to your children that violence is never okay, even if it is at the hands of someone they love.
• Keep weapons like guns and knives locked away or as inaccessible as possible.
• Back your car into the driveway regularly and keep the car fueled.
• Lock all of the doors to the car except the driver’s door for a quick escape.
• Create a list of several plausible excuses for needing to leave the house at different times of the day or night.
• Practice your safety plan.
• Know the number(s) to your local domestic violence shelter(s).

Technology and Computer Safety

• When searching for domestic violence shelters, researching legal options, and other safety plans, use a “safe computer” such as one at your local library.
• Open new email accounts that your abuser does not know about on a safe computer and only use that account to correspond about safety planning and other sensitive emails. Continue to use your other account for mundane and harmless emails, such as grocery store or department store coupons and sales, in case your abuser is monitoring your usual email account.
• Purchase a “burner” phone for emergencies. Your abuser could install GPS tracking on your main cell phone to monitor your communications.
• Be careful with your social media posts. Change your security settings by disabling the ability to tag your location or require your approval before items are added to your pages. Remember: once something is online, it is there forever.
• Do not post addresses, contact information, birthdays, etc. on your social media accounts.
• Keep your passwords private and change them regularly. As with any password, be sure it is complex and not easily identifiable. A combination of uppercase and lowercase letters, numbers and symbols make a password stronger.

[1] Some of this information is adapted from: Copyright © 1998 by the National Center for Victims of Crime. This information may be freely distributed, provided that it is distributed free of charge, in its entirety and includes this copyright notice.